HUMILITY vs Humiliation

In ministry, we are always taught the number one rule when being of service to others: HAVE HUMILITY.

Many years ago, when I first started out as a church musician, I was so eager to share my new-found talent with the church. Back then, I thought I knew so much, and it became my mission to make sure the church knew that I could make a difference to the liturgy with my music.

I started joining choirs, and even playing up to 4 masses on a weekend. On weekdays, I would also 'brush' aside the organist, and replace the terrible player (it was truly terrible). Because of this, I became insensitive to other people who wanted to serve at mass too. But that's the small point. The big point was, I lacked HUMILITY.

I was finally put in my place through a close friend of mine. I felt HUMILIATED, but I did deserve that talking-to. It took a while for this HUMILITY thing to set in, and eventually, I became a better player for it.

Having been in the church scene for 20 years, I have seen different types of people in the music ministry. We have the 'know-it-alls', the 'I know better than you', the 'do because there is no one else', the 'I am here to serve', and the 'think I can play and/or sing but actually can't'.

I actually belonged to all categories at one point or another in my 20 years. I could play, yes, but I thought I was good. Looking back, I cringe at most of the things I played back then. I thought I could sing, but when I listen to my earlier recordings, I sounded like a strangled chicken. And, I also had this "there is no one else to do this, so I will do it". Fact is, there were people, but I did not think they were good enough to be in the ministry (mind you, I was a nobody, and am still a nobody).

It was not easy to balance pride and ego with serving for HIS purpose. As a teenager, I always craved the attention because I simply did not fit in with my peers. In fact, I hung out with the older ones because I felt it made me cool and more matured. How silly I was!

But God is GREAT! HE works with who you are at your point in life, and through HIS time and loving mercy, transforms you patiently. I learnt this the hard way when I was in Texas doing my music studies and serving in a Catholic church. Thank God I did not use my arrogance to tell people much older than me what to do, or how to sing. Even though I knew so little, I testify that God has given me the gift to discern what makes good liturgy. Having 2 musical priests on board also helped shaped my sense of liturgy. It is an experience that many musicians would die for, and am privileged and humbled to be able to experience this wonderful 3 years of service (in the correct spirit).

Today, it's a different ball game. It's not so much the quality that I try to bring to liturgy. That's the easy part. It's managing people in your community; FRIENDS. It's so hard to strike a balance between making a stand on disagreements, and yet having to be sensitive and not overtly proud and stubborn. Yet, Jesus had that same problem too. Although HE was divine, HE showed us how to manage people who try to trap HIM, who doubt HIM, and who abanadoned HIM.

So, I think the best way to deal with this topic is to use the old acronym: WWJD; What Would Jesus Do?

May all of us who have the zeal to serve in the church be granted the grace of HUMILITY, and yet be forgiving and compassionate to those who HUMILIATE us.

Happy are those persecuted for the cause of right, theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Amen.