Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
PREP FOR CHRISTMAS
This whole advent has been a roller coaster. The high point would be seeing the orchestra and choir come together. Thanks to all who helped, and the many more who worked behind the scenes.
As Christmas looms, I think the low point would be the 'what ifs'. It happens every year since I have been involved with music ministry. Some close friend of mine would fall sick, or some small mishap happens and derails the original plan of how we wanted to spend Christmas as a church community. Or, friends fall out with each other over some issue they can't see to agree on, or resentment if there was no confrontation to address the issue.
I think it makes a great depressing Christmas album to create original songs based on people's perception of Christmas. It always forces us to take stock of what we are, what we have done, and what we should do.
I only hope and pray that this Christmas, my friends will experience something extraordinary. May not happen on the night itself, but perhaps, somewhere down the road, the love and mercy of Christ will shine through the darkness.
Lord, we offer our music to you this Christmas. No matter how small, unworthy, or imperfect it may be, we give of ourselves to YOU, that YOU will touch the hearts of many this Christmas through our music and through our liturgy. Let all who open their heart to YOU find YOU and delight in YOU. Amen.
As Christmas looms, I think the low point would be the 'what ifs'. It happens every year since I have been involved with music ministry. Some close friend of mine would fall sick, or some small mishap happens and derails the original plan of how we wanted to spend Christmas as a church community. Or, friends fall out with each other over some issue they can't see to agree on, or resentment if there was no confrontation to address the issue.
I think it makes a great depressing Christmas album to create original songs based on people's perception of Christmas. It always forces us to take stock of what we are, what we have done, and what we should do.
I only hope and pray that this Christmas, my friends will experience something extraordinary. May not happen on the night itself, but perhaps, somewhere down the road, the love and mercy of Christ will shine through the darkness.
Lord, we offer our music to you this Christmas. No matter how small, unworthy, or imperfect it may be, we give of ourselves to YOU, that YOU will touch the hearts of many this Christmas through our music and through our liturgy. Let all who open their heart to YOU find YOU and delight in YOU. Amen.
Monday, December 21, 2009
SATISFACTION part 2
Apologies for being away. Have been ill and sore all over. Finally, got over my stubborness and went to see a doctor. ALmost instant cure, but still struggling with the cough at night.
As usual, having been the medic before, thought I could save money and medicate. After all, I acquired all the necessary drugs. But I am NO doctor. Eventually, it was the doctor who knew what I needed.
So how does this apply to our journey with Christ?
Well, aren't we all guilty of thinking we know better than everyone else? Or in short, choosing to do our own will and telling God that HIS is not the ideal solution?
Everything in this world has gotten very grey. The blacks and whites are far and few, simply because we know deep down it is wrong, yet we find excuses to justify why we went on the wrong path anyway. The world has become a case of "if I can win you over with my reasoning, then my actions are justified." Funny how the world detests the path of righteousness because it is simply too difficult to put into practice.
Hence, people find SATISFACTION in the short term things. They fail to see the end point (which is eternal life if we do HIS will). They mock that the things of the earth are meant to be enjoyed, and not practising sacrifice, abstinence, or obedience. People are SATISFIED with the accumulation of material wealth, and keeping their problems to a minimal.
How sad! If people realise what God's treasure really is. It's ironic that more and more people are joining the Catholic faith, or Christianity, but they are still blinded because they choose the laws they like and disregard the rest. They simply missed the treasure marked on God's map.
Personally, I was once like that. Until the discovery of truths behind what the church teaches. I also like what Fr Rudy Wong of Novena church said at mass:"All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful".
So as I try to recover from my illness in time for Christmas, I will struggle with my own ego, and listening to what is really good for me. In this case, the will of the Lord is more ideal than my own. Thus, I shall be satisfied.
Lord, I pray for courage and strength to do YOUR will. Teach me how to be satisfied in YOU, and to be a good witness to this treasure YOU have promised us. May all who seek to know YOU be touched the same way as YOU hve touched me. Amen.
As usual, having been the medic before, thought I could save money and medicate. After all, I acquired all the necessary drugs. But I am NO doctor. Eventually, it was the doctor who knew what I needed.
So how does this apply to our journey with Christ?
Well, aren't we all guilty of thinking we know better than everyone else? Or in short, choosing to do our own will and telling God that HIS is not the ideal solution?
Everything in this world has gotten very grey. The blacks and whites are far and few, simply because we know deep down it is wrong, yet we find excuses to justify why we went on the wrong path anyway. The world has become a case of "if I can win you over with my reasoning, then my actions are justified." Funny how the world detests the path of righteousness because it is simply too difficult to put into practice.
Hence, people find SATISFACTION in the short term things. They fail to see the end point (which is eternal life if we do HIS will). They mock that the things of the earth are meant to be enjoyed, and not practising sacrifice, abstinence, or obedience. People are SATISFIED with the accumulation of material wealth, and keeping their problems to a minimal.
How sad! If people realise what God's treasure really is. It's ironic that more and more people are joining the Catholic faith, or Christianity, but they are still blinded because they choose the laws they like and disregard the rest. They simply missed the treasure marked on God's map.
Personally, I was once like that. Until the discovery of truths behind what the church teaches. I also like what Fr Rudy Wong of Novena church said at mass:"All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful".
So as I try to recover from my illness in time for Christmas, I will struggle with my own ego, and listening to what is really good for me. In this case, the will of the Lord is more ideal than my own. Thus, I shall be satisfied.
Lord, I pray for courage and strength to do YOUR will. Teach me how to be satisfied in YOU, and to be a good witness to this treasure YOU have promised us. May all who seek to know YOU be touched the same way as YOU hve touched me. Amen.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
SATISFACTION part 1
Whew! It's been one hectic year. Teaching, performing, arranging, recording, and fortunately, praying.
This year has seen many highs and many lows (not manilows...hee). The teaching bit has gotten a bit scary. I have been offered students left, right, center, and I sometimes wish to just quit my job and be a househusband. But I know that is not possible. For one, I never depend on my wife. I never depend on anybody to achieve what I have, or find shortcuts.
I guess my life is blessed. Music has got me a dream job of being my own boss, and also see things which I am sure are never taught in schools. That subject is the relationship we have with other humans; good and bad.
I believe the only thing I can never be independent is my reliance on God. I need God in my life. We all need God in our lives. Notice, I said need, not want. You don't need a rocket scientist to tell you the difference between needs and wants. The subject of economics also portrays a poor picture of that difference. I believe that contentment is always a conflicting issue.
Because of our self-centeredness, we are never satisfied. Perhaps we are created that way; to be never satisfied. I guess if we are truly satisfied with what we have, there won't be a need or desire for God. Our sinfulness itself already constitutes the consummate need for God. Such is our sinfulness.
Drugs, pornography, gambling, sloth, gluttony, indifference, pride, and the list goes on. Our world has become a lie. We put on facades and build walls around us so that our friends can never see our skeletons. Being a role model is like winning a political election, or entering a beauty contest. Famous people struggle the most. That's because their lives are so public, it's hard to be given any slack for their values and behavior. The moment they slip up in people's opinions of them, they are slammed for this and that. What happened to forgiveness? What happened to acceptance without judgement? What happened to mercy?
Have we become our own gods that we have denied our Lord HIS rightful dwelling place?
This year has seen many highs and many lows (not manilows...hee). The teaching bit has gotten a bit scary. I have been offered students left, right, center, and I sometimes wish to just quit my job and be a househusband. But I know that is not possible. For one, I never depend on my wife. I never depend on anybody to achieve what I have, or find shortcuts.
I guess my life is blessed. Music has got me a dream job of being my own boss, and also see things which I am sure are never taught in schools. That subject is the relationship we have with other humans; good and bad.
I believe the only thing I can never be independent is my reliance on God. I need God in my life. We all need God in our lives. Notice, I said need, not want. You don't need a rocket scientist to tell you the difference between needs and wants. The subject of economics also portrays a poor picture of that difference. I believe that contentment is always a conflicting issue.
Because of our self-centeredness, we are never satisfied. Perhaps we are created that way; to be never satisfied. I guess if we are truly satisfied with what we have, there won't be a need or desire for God. Our sinfulness itself already constitutes the consummate need for God. Such is our sinfulness.
Drugs, pornography, gambling, sloth, gluttony, indifference, pride, and the list goes on. Our world has become a lie. We put on facades and build walls around us so that our friends can never see our skeletons. Being a role model is like winning a political election, or entering a beauty contest. Famous people struggle the most. That's because their lives are so public, it's hard to be given any slack for their values and behavior. The moment they slip up in people's opinions of them, they are slammed for this and that. What happened to forgiveness? What happened to acceptance without judgement? What happened to mercy?
Have we become our own gods that we have denied our Lord HIS rightful dwelling place?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
HUMILITY vs Humiliation
In ministry, we are always taught the number one rule when being of service to others: HAVE HUMILITY.
Many years ago, when I first started out as a church musician, I was so eager to share my new-found talent with the church. Back then, I thought I knew so much, and it became my mission to make sure the church knew that I could make a difference to the liturgy with my music.
I started joining choirs, and even playing up to 4 masses on a weekend. On weekdays, I would also 'brush' aside the organist, and replace the terrible player (it was truly terrible). Because of this, I became insensitive to other people who wanted to serve at mass too. But that's the small point. The big point was, I lacked HUMILITY.
I was finally put in my place through a close friend of mine. I felt HUMILIATED, but I did deserve that talking-to. It took a while for this HUMILITY thing to set in, and eventually, I became a better player for it.
Having been in the church scene for 20 years, I have seen different types of people in the music ministry. We have the 'know-it-alls', the 'I know better than you', the 'do because there is no one else', the 'I am here to serve', and the 'think I can play and/or sing but actually can't'.
I actually belonged to all categories at one point or another in my 20 years. I could play, yes, but I thought I was good. Looking back, I cringe at most of the things I played back then. I thought I could sing, but when I listen to my earlier recordings, I sounded like a strangled chicken. And, I also had this "there is no one else to do this, so I will do it". Fact is, there were people, but I did not think they were good enough to be in the ministry (mind you, I was a nobody, and am still a nobody).
It was not easy to balance pride and ego with serving for HIS purpose. As a teenager, I always craved the attention because I simply did not fit in with my peers. In fact, I hung out with the older ones because I felt it made me cool and more matured. How silly I was!
But God is GREAT! HE works with who you are at your point in life, and through HIS time and loving mercy, transforms you patiently. I learnt this the hard way when I was in Texas doing my music studies and serving in a Catholic church. Thank God I did not use my arrogance to tell people much older than me what to do, or how to sing. Even though I knew so little, I testify that God has given me the gift to discern what makes good liturgy. Having 2 musical priests on board also helped shaped my sense of liturgy. It is an experience that many musicians would die for, and am privileged and humbled to be able to experience this wonderful 3 years of service (in the correct spirit).
Today, it's a different ball game. It's not so much the quality that I try to bring to liturgy. That's the easy part. It's managing people in your community; FRIENDS. It's so hard to strike a balance between making a stand on disagreements, and yet having to be sensitive and not overtly proud and stubborn. Yet, Jesus had that same problem too. Although HE was divine, HE showed us how to manage people who try to trap HIM, who doubt HIM, and who abanadoned HIM.
So, I think the best way to deal with this topic is to use the old acronym: WWJD; What Would Jesus Do?
May all of us who have the zeal to serve in the church be granted the grace of HUMILITY, and yet be forgiving and compassionate to those who HUMILIATE us.
Happy are those persecuted for the cause of right, theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Amen.
Many years ago, when I first started out as a church musician, I was so eager to share my new-found talent with the church. Back then, I thought I knew so much, and it became my mission to make sure the church knew that I could make a difference to the liturgy with my music.
I started joining choirs, and even playing up to 4 masses on a weekend. On weekdays, I would also 'brush' aside the organist, and replace the terrible player (it was truly terrible). Because of this, I became insensitive to other people who wanted to serve at mass too. But that's the small point. The big point was, I lacked HUMILITY.
I was finally put in my place through a close friend of mine. I felt HUMILIATED, but I did deserve that talking-to. It took a while for this HUMILITY thing to set in, and eventually, I became a better player for it.
Having been in the church scene for 20 years, I have seen different types of people in the music ministry. We have the 'know-it-alls', the 'I know better than you', the 'do because there is no one else', the 'I am here to serve', and the 'think I can play and/or sing but actually can't'.
I actually belonged to all categories at one point or another in my 20 years. I could play, yes, but I thought I was good. Looking back, I cringe at most of the things I played back then. I thought I could sing, but when I listen to my earlier recordings, I sounded like a strangled chicken. And, I also had this "there is no one else to do this, so I will do it". Fact is, there were people, but I did not think they were good enough to be in the ministry (mind you, I was a nobody, and am still a nobody).
It was not easy to balance pride and ego with serving for HIS purpose. As a teenager, I always craved the attention because I simply did not fit in with my peers. In fact, I hung out with the older ones because I felt it made me cool and more matured. How silly I was!
But God is GREAT! HE works with who you are at your point in life, and through HIS time and loving mercy, transforms you patiently. I learnt this the hard way when I was in Texas doing my music studies and serving in a Catholic church. Thank God I did not use my arrogance to tell people much older than me what to do, or how to sing. Even though I knew so little, I testify that God has given me the gift to discern what makes good liturgy. Having 2 musical priests on board also helped shaped my sense of liturgy. It is an experience that many musicians would die for, and am privileged and humbled to be able to experience this wonderful 3 years of service (in the correct spirit).
Today, it's a different ball game. It's not so much the quality that I try to bring to liturgy. That's the easy part. It's managing people in your community; FRIENDS. It's so hard to strike a balance between making a stand on disagreements, and yet having to be sensitive and not overtly proud and stubborn. Yet, Jesus had that same problem too. Although HE was divine, HE showed us how to manage people who try to trap HIM, who doubt HIM, and who abanadoned HIM.
So, I think the best way to deal with this topic is to use the old acronym: WWJD; What Would Jesus Do?
May all of us who have the zeal to serve in the church be granted the grace of HUMILITY, and yet be forgiving and compassionate to those who HUMILIATE us.
Happy are those persecuted for the cause of right, theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Amen.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Penitential Service
Tonight is penitential service. So exciting! What a difference a year has made since I have had a new mindset of what the sacrament of reconciliation is about.
All thanks to the book that was lent to me by my student, Lynette Tan, titled 101 Inspirational Stories of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. If I had money, I would buy all my Catholic friends a book for Christmas. What better gift than to gift Jesus through this wonderful sacrament.
Let's pray for all priests to be wonderful instruments of Jesus' mercy and love, and that all who desire reconciliation be granted the peace that Jesus only gives, and be rewarded with a wonderful conversion experience.
If you O Lord, should mark our guilt, Lord, who would survive?
All thanks to the book that was lent to me by my student, Lynette Tan, titled 101 Inspirational Stories of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. If I had money, I would buy all my Catholic friends a book for Christmas. What better gift than to gift Jesus through this wonderful sacrament.
Let's pray for all priests to be wonderful instruments of Jesus' mercy and love, and that all who desire reconciliation be granted the peace that Jesus only gives, and be rewarded with a wonderful conversion experience.
If you O Lord, should mark our guilt, Lord, who would survive?
Saturday, December 12, 2009
THE FAT SINNER IS BACK!
Hello world! It's been a long time since I have published myself online. Many things have happened in the past 3 years or more. For starters, I have gotten married, have had changes in my career, a new house in Serangoon Gardens, and most importantly, finding God.
I have decided from this post, that it will be made more public for my friends, not so much for the attention, but to inspire them with what I am going to write.
I married my wife in December 2006. We are coming to our 3rd wedding anniversary. There isn't a day I wake up thinking I regretted this decision. I think it was the best decision I made, and the role of husband and stepfather could not have been more challenging, yet fulfilling.
My wife is a blessing. Without her, I would probably have remained this angry, think-I-know-it-all Cafeteria Catholic (meaning someone who chooses the church laws that he/she likes and disregards the rest). From Novena, to Life in the Spirit Seminar, to reading books loaned to me about Self Awareness and Conversion through Reconciliation, I never imagined feeling more 'high' from being a witness of Christ's ministry and teachings.
Before you think I am this holy moley holier than thou individual, I am very much like you, dear reader. Only difference is, I acknowledge my weaknesses and failings, and am no longer afraid to go into confession frequently to admit my faults and to seek graces from above to make me a better instrument of HIS mercy and love. Obviously, you, dear reader, can do it too. There is no competition for God's love and mercy. We are all called to worship HIM as OUR FATHER, and to spread Jesus' birth, ministry, death and ressurection for the world to hear and see. In my case, music is my medium to make my witnessing alive.
This Christmas, I have set myself a challenging task. I have done snippets of it in the past, but this time round, it's the full works: an orchestra and choir for Midnight Mass at St Francis Xavier. The bulk of members will comprise existing members and also parishioners of this church who have yet to taste ministry. My prayer would be for them to be touched by the process, and to come forward to serve HIS church.
What a year it has been. So many highs, so many lows. But what I will always feel good about from now on, is my discovery of faith. I no longer am going to trap myself in my failings, nor beat myself to death about it. I stand now, as Jesus' witness for the salvation of mankind.
May all who read this be touched by the Lord for their own conversion, and in turn be instruments in reaching out to others who desire the same conversion experience. Blessed are those who spread God's love and mercy, for mercy and love will be shown them. Amen.
I have decided from this post, that it will be made more public for my friends, not so much for the attention, but to inspire them with what I am going to write.
I married my wife in December 2006. We are coming to our 3rd wedding anniversary. There isn't a day I wake up thinking I regretted this decision. I think it was the best decision I made, and the role of husband and stepfather could not have been more challenging, yet fulfilling.
My wife is a blessing. Without her, I would probably have remained this angry, think-I-know-it-all Cafeteria Catholic (meaning someone who chooses the church laws that he/she likes and disregards the rest). From Novena, to Life in the Spirit Seminar, to reading books loaned to me about Self Awareness and Conversion through Reconciliation, I never imagined feeling more 'high' from being a witness of Christ's ministry and teachings.
Before you think I am this holy moley holier than thou individual, I am very much like you, dear reader. Only difference is, I acknowledge my weaknesses and failings, and am no longer afraid to go into confession frequently to admit my faults and to seek graces from above to make me a better instrument of HIS mercy and love. Obviously, you, dear reader, can do it too. There is no competition for God's love and mercy. We are all called to worship HIM as OUR FATHER, and to spread Jesus' birth, ministry, death and ressurection for the world to hear and see. In my case, music is my medium to make my witnessing alive.
This Christmas, I have set myself a challenging task. I have done snippets of it in the past, but this time round, it's the full works: an orchestra and choir for Midnight Mass at St Francis Xavier. The bulk of members will comprise existing members and also parishioners of this church who have yet to taste ministry. My prayer would be for them to be touched by the process, and to come forward to serve HIS church.
What a year it has been. So many highs, so many lows. But what I will always feel good about from now on, is my discovery of faith. I no longer am going to trap myself in my failings, nor beat myself to death about it. I stand now, as Jesus' witness for the salvation of mankind.
May all who read this be touched by the Lord for their own conversion, and in turn be instruments in reaching out to others who desire the same conversion experience. Blessed are those who spread God's love and mercy, for mercy and love will be shown them. Amen.
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